Embracing the Awkward

Recently I sat down to write my speech for a humorous speech contest I had entered, and realized that I’m not that funny. But I entered the contest because I thought it would be good practice. “Practice for what?” you may be wondering. Presenting at an Actuarial Conference, of course…!

A few months ago, after I had just written an article for ASEA Monthly in which I mentioned my fear of public speaking (Actuarial Imposter, May, 2023), an actuary I greatly admire was helping me with an article on combined deduction limits (404(a)(7) Deduction Deep Dive, June 2023). “Time for you to start public speaking,” he said, and asked me if I would co-present with him at an upcoming Actuarial Conference. I was terrified by the thought of speaking at a conference, but also extremely excited by the opportunity to present with someone I look up to (when your Actuary-Hero asks you to present with him, you say “Yes!”).  
 
But I knew I had work to do, so I joined my local Toastmasters. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Toastmasters, it is an organization where people of varying skill levels meet to improve at public speaking. Because I knew I would be nervous and feel awkward, I decided to make my awkwardness the subject of my humorous speech. 

“Just be yourself.” We have all heard it, and we have probably said it a few times, but what does it mean? At Toastmasters I have learned what not to do when speaking: I should not say “umm,” “like,” “so,” etc. But the thing is, I am kind of awkward. And I used to be really self-conscious about it. I felt like I couldn’t be myself. But as I have gotten older, I have learned to embrace the awkward—lean into it even. I like to think it is part of my charm. Awkward silence? That’s not awkward at all! It builds anticipation (in Toastmasters, we call it a pregnant pause).

But sometimes it is not that charming. Because when I am feeling shy, it can be hard to do basic things, like smile. Does anyone else have that issue? And my smile attempt somehow becomes this super tense, twitchy-psychopath face.

Group photos with people you have just met are the worst! I had to do one of those at a conference. I had a great time learning and meeting with everyone in-person. But then came the dreaded group photo. I started to panic a little. Can anyone relate? Smiling under pressure can be really tough! Especially if it is for an extended period and there are multiple cameras involved. I tried my hardest to think of something funny and stop blinking, but all I could think of was that Taco Bell chihuahua from 20 years ago. “Yo quiero Taco Bell.” I mustered a partial smile with closed eyes and did my best to hold onto it. 

But being self-conscious about being nervous or awkward only makes it worse, so I have learned to try to embrace it over the years. Because everyone is at least a little awkward. And a lot of people are shy. In fact, 40-50% of Americans consider themselves to be shy. But there was a time when I was so shy that I felt unsure of myself doing basic things like going to the grocery store or eating out at a restaurant. But I was not really afraid of the grocery store or the restaurant, or even the people there, I was afraid of getting nervous and people noticing my nervousness. I was afraid of how others might perceive my lack of confidence.

It was not until I learned to accept—and even embrace—my fears that I began to overcome them. Because courage is not the absence of fear, it is acting in spite of our fears. A few months ago, I received some great advice about getting over my fear of public speaking from one of my fellow Toastmasters after giving my first speech: “Seek the fear.” 

Intentionally do things that scare you, and, gradually, you will find yourself less and less scared. So I sought the fear, embraced my awkwardness, and participated in the humorous speech contest. I didn’t win, but I got a lot of laughs and a big public-speaking confidence boost. Not only that, I found that opening up about my insecurities and irrational fears also helped alleviate them. Who knew?   

Tiffany Myers, FSA, EA, MSEA, is Manager, Actuarial Services, at the Cash Balance Center of Excellence.